It was of course extra hard as Aaron isn't here as well. He always made sure that Mother's Day was really special with spoiling me with presents, making sure the boys made me cards, organising breakfast in bed and making me lunch and tea. I didn't want to put any pressure on the boys to do anything but of course was hoping they would at least make a bit of an effort. I didn't have to worry as Harri was so excited about it, and kept talking about it all week. He couldn't wait for me to wake up and straight away said 'happy mother's day Mummy!' and gave me a big hug.
Kobe soon joined us in bed and without any prompting he put his arms around my neck and said 'happy mother's day Mum!' which made me so happy. It wasn't long before they were making me smile as they threw Noah's monkey 'Nono' around the room as we waited for Jay to wake up.
He made up for his big brother that's for sure. It was a hard day and Jay made it harder with his sulkiness, and lack of caring about making it easier (or even special). The thing that surprised and hurt me the most was that he is usually the one who goes out of his way to do lovely things. I'm not sure if it's a mix of his age, being a boy, him grieving, or all of the above (most likely!) but he made a really hard day even harder as he pretty much did nothing at all to wish me a happy mother's day.
In the back of my mind I keep thinking 'that's what I should be doing' or 'that's what Aaron and Noah would want me to do', but then I think that they would want me to do whatever it takes to cope right now, and right now I need to do whatever helps me get through. We went up to the cemetery and took Aaron and Noah some roses from our garden and couldn't believe how many people were up there. I have never seen it so busy - not even on Christmas day.
As you can see though he doesn't always try to make things extra special - he cared more about his game on his iPod than getting a decent photo with Grandma!