Even though it's only the start of holidays it's already hot which is awesome. I'm trying not to get into a false sense of security as the weather in Tassie can change so quickly, but today we went out and enjoyed the sunshine at the Seaport. I'm loving Intagram on my iPhone. It saves me having to take my camera everwhere :)
Boys will be boys...
It's so different this summer knowing that we can do whatever we want, whenever we want to. Today it was just too easy to jump in the car and go out and do something fun with the boys. Usually we have to work around Noah and his health, his mood or whether or not the wheelchair can go places. This often meant we either had to do something without him and leave him with either Di or Alison (his carers), or one of us would stay home with him (usually Aaron) while the other went out with the boys, or we just wouldn't do what we were wanting to do.
I hate that Noah isn't here and am wishing that we were finding it hard to do certain things as it would mean he was still here, but then on the other hand I don't wish for him to be here the way he was the last 12 months or so. It wouldn't be fair for me to wish for him to be here like that.
I'm happy that he is now free from his body which was struggling so much the few months before he passed away, but I just miss him so much and wish I could just have him here again to kiss his chubby little cheeks or rub my fingers through his soft brown hair, or to see his big brown eyes light up when he felt well and happy.
It's hard to enjoy the summer and the time we have together, when we are just wishing Noah was still here.
Today the whole time I was thinking how nice it was to be out together enjoying the sun, but then would have thoughts about Noah and what it would've been like if he was with us. Even almost three months since he has passed away it just doesn't seem real. It seems like he is away somewhere, and we are having a break and he is going to come back. It's still hard to believe that he really isn't coming back.
I know that he would want us to have fun with the boys, so I'm going to just take a deep breath, be grateful for the time that we have together over summer, and try to enjoy it as much as we can, even though we miss him so much.
It's probably going to be easier said than done, but hopefully some days will be easier than others.